Ask Me Anything & Houspets Speak!

Once again its Thursday and time for you to Ask Me Anything! I did receive one question earlier this week that I will answer in tomorrow's post, but don't let that stop you from asking anything else! Leave your question in a comment to this blog or you can email it to me (scottseviltwin@gmail.com). Be sure to put Ask Me Anything in the subject line so that I will be able to identify it quickly.

Your question can be personal, scientific, philosophical, political, sexual - whatever! Please keep in mind that I do not profess to be a know-it-all (though my kids might argue that one) and you can bet your sweet bippy that if I do not know the answer, I will make something up.

So put your thinking cap on and Ask Me Anything!

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You know how the strangest things will pop into your head as you drift off to sleep at night? Last night was one of those nights...Don't ask where it came from, I have no idea....but what do you suppose a dog and cat might say if they were to be spying on you while you were having sex? I think the conversation might go a little bit like this:

Dog: Hey...where did you go? Guys? Guys?

Cat: Relax Dog, there in their "bedroom" as I hear its called.

Dog: Bedroom? Huh? Its too early for night-night!

Cat: Night-night? wha??? Are you dense, you mongrel? What do you suppose they're doing in there? Can't you hear them?

Dog: Is that what that sound is? I thought maybe the papa had that picture box going showing all the humans without their outer skins on again.

Cat: Would you just shut up for a minute and help me get this door open? I know they are in here...

Dog: Oh right...what do you need me to do?

Cat: Just push on it...I think they might be leaning up against it. You know they'd be lost if we weren't in there to lend our support.

Dog: OK, yeah, yeah, yeah...you're right...

The dog and cat push against the door and it opens slightly. Apparently, the people haven't yet fixed that broken door knob that doesn't quite latch completely. They quietly make their way into the room.

Dog: Hey guys, are you ok? Huh? I heard noises and thought someone might be hurt? Oh my God, what are you doing to her??? Is that safe?

Cat: Don't you know anything Dog? It's called Sex. You know sex, right? It's also called intercourse, making love, fucking, humping, hiding the sausage...

Dog: Sausage? They have food up there with them? I want some....

Cat: No you imbecile...there is no food up there....but now that you mention it...do you smell fish?

Dog: I don't know what that smell is, but it is rather intoxicating...must be a new perfume or something. Let's ask...Hey..what the ?? Not fair, man!

Cat: What are you rambling about now?

Dog: Look at the papa! And I get yelled at for drinking out of the toilet bowl! And he's licking her down THERE!

Cat: So?

Dog: And now he's turned around and she's licking on...hey, they do have a sausage in bed with them! Oh wait...that's not a sausage.

Cat: So what is it?

Dog: I'm not sure, but I don't think I've ever seen Papa with that thing between his legs before!

Cat: Doesn't he realize its easier if he just does it himself?

Dog: Oh, man...this is really something...I mean look at them! You'd think they hadn't eaten in about a week! Hey, hey...I want to eat too!

Cat: Are you back on the food trip again?

Dog: I know they have food with them...I can hear the slurping!

Cat: And I do smell fish; I'm sure of it!

Dog: Did you just hear someone call them? Mama just said she was coming!

Cat: Papa's getting up and holy cow, that is a sausage between his legs!

Dog: Yeah, and now mama's getting on her hand's and knees and papa's getting behind her...

Cat: Ah, they must be getting ready to do it doggie style.

Dog: Doggie style? Huh? Are you sure? Do they need me to be up there with them for that?

Cat: Uh, sure, go ahead and try it. I'll wait....

Dog: There's no room for me! How am I supposed to do this?

Cat: Well, if you don't know...

Dog, Well, hell, now you've got me all excited...I want to do this too!!! It looks like fun and they both seem to like it....Hey cat, do you wanna...

Cat: Don't even think about it, dog...

Dog: That's ok, I think with the way they are positioned I might have a little bit of room behind papa....

Cat sighs to himself: Yes! I'm going to be an only pet!