Starting Over at 45

Blah.

That about sums up my mood this morning.

For several months I weighed a decision on my mind that I knew would not be an easy one. See, at a time when a lot of people are struggling to find a good job, I am giving mine up. After 16 years at the University of Missouri, I am walking away from at atmosphere that has been somewhat enjoyable, yet maddening all at the same time.

My last day will be Friday, June 12.

This post is not necessarily to discuss the reasons for leaving, but rather how the decision is affecting me. As difficult as it was to make the call and say "That's it," I am wondering how I am going to feel when I walk out these doors for the final time.

I find myself today sitting here at work and wondering what to do with myself. It's raining this morning and that in itself is likely contributing to my mood. I have things I could be doing - homework, for one. But with all the conversation going on around me I can't seem to concentrate on that.

Cleaning out my desk is a project I could get started on, but I was going to hold off on that until next week sometime. Today is Thursday, May 28 and I have today and tomorrow left this week, then Monday though Thursday next week. At that point I accrue 4 new personal days on my anniversary date with MU, so I will use them June 5, 8, 9, and 10. Return to work on June 11 and 12 to finish things out. That's 8 days left if you're counting at home.

I have been with MU since 1993, take away 3 months in 1997, and in this position since January 2001. This is by far the most amount of time I have spent at one job. Well, unless you want to count how long it has taken me to complete the work on my mystery book. That has been going since 1981.

I will feel sadness, I know. Working here has been like being at my home away from home. I will also be feeling a certain anticipation for what comes next. Over the course of the next few weeks, I will be packing things up at home as well, preparing for a move to Indiana in July. My next career move remains a mystery so until I figure out what I will be doing for a living, I have the pursuit of my college degree to continue and a mystery book to finish writing.

So in the times we live in, how have you or someone you knew dealt with keeping busy while looking for work? Please share your tips and advice for not going crazy while waiting for that dream job to appear. If I use any of them, I just might send you a t-shirt. I believe I've got a few I'm not wearing anymore....