What do you want out of life?

It might be easier to make an itemized list of the things that we want, but ultimately I'm asking overall: What do you ultimately want to achieve in your lifetime?

My answer is simple, as is that of a lot of people I would imagine. I want to be successful.

Ah, see....therein lies the connundrum.

How do we go about defining successful? I define it as being a person that my friends and loved ones can be proud of at the end of the day. I want to be someone who instills honesty and responsibility in my children. I want to be someone who is a strong provider for my family. I want to be someone that my wife would never regret marrying. I want to be someone that can turn a head now and then. I want to be someone who's words are listened to on occasion.

In other words, I want to know that at the end of the day, something I did mattered to someone.

Isn't that what we all strive for? Well...most of us anyway?

To some people, emphasis is placed on the almighty dollar. He who dies with the most toys, wins. To others, the emphasis is on love, for richer or poorer, they don't care as long as they have each other. Of course it is possible to both, I suppose...if you're one of those types who marry for money. Is that win-win? One person has the money and in return the other person will love them. Or at least fuck them silly every now and then.

My point today is that when things don't necessarily go the way we hope, we start an internal reflection that makes us question who we are and what exactly is wrong with us. The answers aren't always clear and it isn't long before negativity starts to set in because things just don't go right. This is the part where we have to step back and take a good look at ourselves and our lives and make what can be a difficult decision. Is a life-change in order? Perhaps a career change? Or maybe a long overdue vacation?

I am reflecting. I am questioning just who I pissed off in the universe to make so many aspects in my life seem like roadblocks. And why some things in life appear to be so easy for some, but nearly impossible to attain for others. Why have I followed the same roadmap traveled by others who achieved great success, yet for me the only reward seems to be a pat on the back and a piece of candy?

Tonight however, at the end of the day, before I drift off to sleep I will remember the positives that I have going on. My 2nd of 3 children is graduating high school this week. I am employed (despite the cost of gas which makes it increasingly difficult to get back and forth). And I have someone in my life whom I know without a doubt can make all the stresses and worries on my mind go away with just a look from her beautiful sparkling eyes and a tender kiss. And I wouldn't trade that for a million dollars.

But what I wouldn't give to be able to be able to treat my loved ones like royalty. To take a holiday and sail around the world. Or an ocean cruise, like on the Love Boat. Just once, before the end of the day.